Things never to say to a writer... Part 1

The list is long...
So, lets start with the basics...

• Unless you are a fan - Do not ask us when our next book will be published.
• If you are a spouse, you should already know the process. And if we really love you, you'll be the first one reading it anyways.
• It's perfectly acceptable to say; you're thinking about writing a book.
• If you never plan on writing it. The writer may run with a different version.
• It's not perfectly acceptable to say; only if you had the time to write.
• You think we spend late nights, and some with no sleep, fun? Some of us even cancel events just so we don't lose that flow.
• I hate when people say (and think) 'If they you (they) haven't started yet, chances are, you (they) won't.'
• Not true. They can have the story speak to them in a dream, or a single word spark the entire script. We're not you, so we don't know how or what you think.
• It's perfectly acceptable with what's in our prior browsing history.
• It's called research. Unless a plain brown box labeled, The Crackhouse, is coming to your door, who cares? How many people didn't look up something they saw on 48 Hours or CSI? Not all of us have a druggy as a friend that we can ask for accuracy. Which knife is best to use, how to clean blood, where to hide the body, or obtain a passport, is perfectly acceptable to see in writer's search history.
• Do not under any extreme, talk to us while we are: typing, making faces at the computer, or have our eyes closed.
• Unless you want to be portrayed as an unpleasant character, let us finish reviewing the scene in our head.
• Unless it's an extreme emergency. Where is your tie - is not an emergency.
• Do not piss off a writer. No matter who you are. We will use what you do toward one of the hated characters in, if not the current, but next novel we write.
• You've been warned.
• If you personally know a writer and have the chance to read their work before (or even after the first round of editing) - if we have the walls painted blue in one of the scenes, it's because of any number of reasons EXCEPT - we were NOT depressed when we wrote that scene.
• Example - our kid came walking into the room and their favorite color is red. We will describe the walls red to give honor for our child.
• Colors do NOT set emotions. The characters set their own emotions. 
• If a writer is in a social gathering and it appears that they are looking aimlessly around - they aren't.
• They may be suffering from what you know as 'writers block' and therefore hoping to catch that one word to get them going again.
• It could be that they heard one word and a plot is developing in their minds.
• Yes, all it takes it one word for us to forget about everything else and concentrate on the novel.
• What do I buy my writer friend?
• What do they like?
• Memory cards/writable DVD's (they hold more) is a great idea so they can save their work.
• We don't care about rejection letters. (Some may, but not me) However, condolences are a great gesture to show that you actually care.
• In our mind, we're thinking it's already copyrighted and we know that most publishing houses don't even know what they're looking for.
• Don't complain that their work isn't bringing in any money.
• How many doctors/lawyers/dentists forked out money to learn to get to where they are today? Think of it as an investment.
• Don't ask how much they make.
• On average a writer is looking at a grand (depending on the size of novel) from cover to editing to formatting to proofs. That dollar you just helped out with, the author only received thirty, yes, 30 cents from that.
• This is not including the materials needed to write the novel to begin with. 
• This is not including the time the writer put into writing the novel.
• Do give honest reviews. (If you're lucky enough to give it a read)
• We know you're our friend/family and you don't want to hurt us.
• In reality, if you would have said a certain area lacked (or downright sucked), we have the chance to fix it before it goes live.
• If your friend/family won't give you an honest review, refuse to let them read any of your work.
• If you can't get past the first chapter - TELL US!
• We know our work may not appeal to you.
• Don't lie and say you've read it.
• You will be tested.
• Oh, you're in the top 100 on Amazon - you must be doing well!
• Uh, that can change in the next hour.
• The top 100 means we've sold, yes, a few copies, but at 30 cents a piece, times say, oh, fifty copies, $15, yes, fifteen dollars. Woohoo! Yes, we're looking at that summer condo on the beach.
• How much do you make? (See above)
• People are asking this question to see if the story they want to write, will lead them into early retirement.
• Seriously, chances are, if we're there, standing next to you, we didn't make millions.
• What have you written?
• Really? Just about everyone is equipped with a smartphone. Take it out and google our name.
• Is any of your work published?
• Fair game question. Chances are we are if we're telling you to google us.
• Oh, you did it yourself?
• This is why I drill so much into new and indie writers. A lot of people think if you're not published traditionally, that you don't have an editor, and your work sucks.
• I was told this: 'I don't know how you can come up with so many story ideas.'
• All it takes is a single word to draw that world atlas in our head.
• It's also called having an imagination.
• What's your book about?
• Okay, as much as this may be a legitimate question, if you're anything like me, I'm not good at talking about myself. I don't like boasting and oddly it makes me very uncomfortable. So while you google my name, look at the books description. Chances are, I spent more time typing up five sentences to draw you in than I actually took to write the novel itself.